


What is Unseen

by Dark_Labyrinth



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anal, Blind!Kirk, Christmas, Community: trekmas, Fluff, M/M, Smutty goodness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3089255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Labyrinth/pseuds/Dark_Labyrinth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk has been blinded in a mission that has gone horribly wrong. It was the last mission to end their first five year mission and the crew is headed home for much needed leave before their next five year mission. Though it is with heavy heart they leave The Enterprise. When they return it is likely that Captain Kirk will no longer lead them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What is Unseen

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Happy Trekmas. Hope you like it!

It was like the moment was frozen in time. Scotty was stopped mid-motion with a look of terror on his face. His arm was in the air as if waving to a friend but his face made the motion seem like a warning. The large tree to Scotty’s left seemed to be pulled towards Jim by some unseen force that had yet to happen. Like a pre-emptive strike of wind but the limbs were frozen before leaves could be scattered in all directions. No, not all directions, one direction. Towards him. 

Then there was light. A bright blinding light that seemed to encompass all and for a fraction of a second Scotty was a silhouette and then there was nothing. 

*****************

“How long before we reach the nearest Star Base?” Bones asked.

“We will arrive in thirteen hours,” responded Spock. 

Beeps that monitored Jim’s heart sounded at a quicker and more erratic rate. He could hear it and knew what it was. He had heard them talking and for the life of him he couldn’t remember what had just been said. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a raspy sound that he knew was because of the sand dune in his mouth. 

Footsteps. 

“Jim, don’t try to speak,” Bones said and more footsteps followed by something cold and wet being smoothed along his mouth. Moisture filled his mouth though he knew it was only a few spare drops. His tongue which had felt thick and almost furry a moment ago could now move easier.

Jim blinked his eyes open or he tried to. It felt as if there was something covering his eyes. Soft cloth, maybe his whole head. With effort he tried to raise a hand but another hand held his down. It wasn’t constrictive or harsh just a gentle hold. 

“Captain, it is best you move as little as possible,” Spock’s voice said.

_Don’t talk, don’t move…_ Jim was yelling in his head. He needed to know what the hell was going on and he wanted to know why they were both handling him with kid gloves. He knew when he was being handled and he didn’t like it then and he sure as hell didn’t like it now. 

He moved his mouth but managed nothing more than a desperate raspy sound that had a frustrated growl rolling on the end of the raspy sound. He couldn’t speak and neither of his best friends were telling him anything, which had his mind jumping to a thousand and one conclusions. He was trying so very hard to recall something, anything that had happened recently but couldn’t seem to remember much past Thanksgiving dinner. 

“Jim, it really would be best if you just calm down a bit and we’ll try our best to let you know what’s going on,” this from Bones. His voice sounded plaintive and almost chiding as well. It caused Jim to release a rough breath through his nose. 

“Tap your hand on the bed if you remember the mission to Dohlist,” Bones said and Jim lifted his hand to tap automatically but paused. Dohlist. Dohlist. Dohlist? He fisted his hand and lowered it slowly to the bed. 

A deep sigh from Bones and Spock continued. “The mission to Dohlist was simple. First voyage to this new world. No scans of life on the surface. The scans did however, reveal that the surface was capable of sustaining life. The only difference was a slightly heavier pull of gravity.”

Jim was desperately pulling it together and he was remembering. The planet was predominantly water. There was only one large land mass and several chains of islands. The moistened cloth was placed at his lips again and he opened to welcome the cool drops. 

“Ro… rotation of 36.80°. Mos… mostly water 78 per… percent,” Jim rasped it out slowly. He remembered. 

“The only life form was supposed to be Prokaryotic Microbes. We were not expecting what we found there.” Spock said and drew a glance from Bones. He normally wasn’t so leading in his explanations. He almost sounded like he were reading a story. But he looked genuinely concerned over their captain. He was trying to get him to have the recollection instead of being told everything. 

It took a moment to try to organize his thoughts but for the life of him, Jim couldn’t remember it. He was better than this and he knew it. The moist cloth was back at his mouth and this time he sucked at it eagerly. He needed to be able to speak. Discuss his options and what the hell was going on with the wrapping on his head. 

With no warning whatsoever, blinding pain erupted in his head and he made a woeful sound. His heart rate jumped and Spock moved back so the doctor could attend to Jim. Flashes in his mind confused him and he had no way of knowing what was dream or memory. The pain was too great and then without warning it was all gone.

****

Spock looked around the table. This was going to be one of the most difficult things he’d ever done. They were a crew, a family and they had grown closer over the years of their mission. He looked around at Sulu, Chekov, Scott, Marcus and of course Nyota. They were waiting for Dr. McCoy. They’d been docked three days on the Starbase. It was time for their holiday leave between five year missions but no one was excited. 

The door opened and everyone looked up to see McCoy and Hendorff enter. With everyone there it seemed it was time to inform them of what was going on. 

“Doctor, if you will start,” Spock said. He overlooked Hendorff being there. He wasn’t part of the command crew but he was part of their family and it was important that they all knew what was going on. 

Bones sat down next to Spock while Hendorff took a seat at the opposite end of the table. 

“Jim has what is called Flash blindness. In most cases it is temporary but there has been some damage to the RPE. Retinal Pigment Epithelium.” He paused and the frown lines around his mouth seemed somehow deeper than normal. 

“Is it permanent?” Scotty asked. He received a scathing look from Nyota and he gave her a shrug and wide eyes like he was asking what he did wrong.

Bones sighed and shook his head. “There are cases…” He started and felt his throat close up just a bit. Dammit, he would not let this beat him. “I’m working on that. Which is why Starfleet has ordered us back to HQ.” 

Nyota felt a tear make a quick track down her cheek. The tears had been there for a few days but it was only then that they welled too quickly to fight back. She had been to see Jim earlier in the day and had been met with a man who seemed to of lost all hope. He wouldn’t even get out of his bed in sick bay. 

“Is Starfleet extending our leave?” Sulu asked. He could only hope that Starfleet would not send them out without their captain. Or… replace him without at least seeking all the options to save his eyes. 

“I have received word that our leave is extended until further notice. Doctor McCoy is to accompany the Captain to HQ. Anyone that would like to join the shuttle; should. Christmas is in one week and our command crew will meet after the first of the new year at HQ.” Spock informed them. He knew that he and Nyota would accompany Jim and McCoy back to Earth.

“Seems only fittin’ we return with ‘im,” Scotty said.

Chekov and Sulu exchanged a quick look and nodded. “We will come as well,” Chekov chimed in and Carol was quick to agree.

 

“I’ll go with you,” Hendorff said. He wasn’t sure why he was upset like the rest of them and as soon as the thought entered his head he knew the answer. They might have fought on their first meeting and he hated being referred to as “cupcake”. As much as he hated to admit it, he liked Jim Kirk. He was a strong leader and earned respect from him on more than one occasion. 

“Jim isn’t enjoying all the fuss over him. He needs time and space so don’t…” McCoy’s hand waved in the air as if the words he was looking for would land in it. 

“We will give him his space, Doctor,” Spock said. They exchanged a knowing look and the room emptied. Spock stayed in his chair and Nyota was suddenly beside him with her hand on his shoulder. 

There were no words to exchange. It was obvious what was weighing on both of their hearts and minds. Jim was their friend and for Spock he was his best friend. He knew Jim had many friends and he also considered McCoy his best friend but Spock only had Jim. Nyota was his lover and his friend but it was different. Lovers still had expectations of one another. That was the way things went. But his friendship with Jim had no expectations and no boundaries. He simply… was. 

****

Carol was in her quarters on the ship crying silently in the empty room. Her affair with Jim had burned hot and fast and was snuffed out just as quick. Her father would forever come between them and no matter how much they loved one another, they couldn’t get over that hump. There had been a few one night moments where they sought comfort in one another’s arms, but those were few and far between. Being in space for five years at a time left you few options though. 

The last time they had been together had left her with a surprise. She was pregnant. Both she and Jim had discussed it and they knew they couldn’t stay together for the baby and she knew she couldn’t raise their child on a starship. This leave was to be her last. No one knew except McCoy. She was leaving it to Jim to tell them and she didn’t know what to do about it now. 

Her mother was expecting her back home in England and that was where she intended to go. When Bones had given Jim the news that his eyesight might not return she had been there. She had begged him to let her stay with him, but he had told her to go home in a very cold voice. She knew it wasn’t him, it was the circumstance. It had hurt nonetheless. 

****

“Don’t bullshit me, Bones,” Kirk said with his head set resolutely facing forward. It took work not to move your head to face the person addressing you, but he couldn’t see him so what was the use?

“Dammit, Jim, there are still options,” Bones said. “Have some faith in me.”

“You know I do, but I also know what it means that my RPE’s are burned. I’m not an idiot.” Jim was tired of everyone pretending it was okay. It wasn’t okay. His career was over and his place in history would now read as a cautionary tale. 

“You may be a genius, but last I looked I was the one with the medical degree,” Bones was trying so hard to keep his head, but he couldn’t. Not when he was looking at those brilliant blue eyes that were no longer seeing him. 

Jim had said goodbye to everyone from the Enterprise and truth was, he wished Bones would let him say goodbye to him as well and be handed off to one of the doctors at HQ. Hearing one of his best friends with so much… He hated what he heard in his voice. 

“Besides, my grandparents are expecting us and I think you could use the time to not be poked and prodded by anyone but me,” Bones said. 

“I didn’t realize you were that possessive, Bones,” Jim teased dryly. It was a knee jerk reaction to give his friend hell, but there was none of his usual playfulness behind the remark.

“Asshole,” Bones said. He touched Jim’s hand and when he didn’t pull it away he ventured further and held his hand. 

“Maybe I’m going about this wrong,” Bones started and squeezed Jim’s hand just a bit. “Would you care to join me at my parent’s home for Christmas?” 

He couldn’t help it. Jim smiled and shook his head. It had been a few weeks and he was angry, but he found staying angry at Bones was harder than it would seem. “If you promise to poke and prod me properly.” This time there was a tone of playfulness. 

“You really are an asshole.” 

They both laughed and even though they were joined by the others for the shuttle ride, the mood didn’t seem quite as dark as it had on the Starbase.

****

Jim closed his eyes and mused at the fact that he closed his eyes. He wondered if he would continue closing them to sleep or if eventually the darkness would be so prevalent that he wouldn’t feel the need to cling to old habits. While he pondered that, he tried to block out the sounds around him. That too was becoming bothersome. It seemed the volume was turned up at all times no matter where he was. In the shuttle that went from HQ to Georgia, there were a plethora of sounds. So many that he grumbled and reached around to find the earphones. Music at least could block out the other sounds and he could sleep to it. 

Bones watched Jim feel around for the earphones and was about to help him when his friend found them. He smiled. It was very difficult not to do everything for Jim. He wanted to, as his friend, help him as much as possible. Then on the flip side, as his doctor he wanted to allow Jim the time to do things on his own. It was a constant battle within himself. 

When they landed in Atlanta, Bones smiled at the familiarity of his surroundings. Not just things either, but the southern drawl he heard all around them. 

“I’ve never heard so many y’all’s at one time,” Jim teased. He was holding onto Leonard’s arm and letting his friend guide him through the terminal. 

“It’s called hospitality,” Bones said wryly. 

“Why don’t you sound happy like all of these other southerners?” 

“Because I know better,” was the response, Bones’ tone dripping sarcasm. 

They made it through the terminal and out to what felt like almost freezing temperatures. “I thought it was warm in the south.”

“You sure have a lot of misconceptions about Georgia. We just cover up all the madness with pretty talk and keep the cold at bay with a lotta liquor.” 

****

“Well, aren’t you just as handsome as can be?” Said an older woman’s voice. Hands were on his cheeks and there were lips pressed to one side of his face. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Jim said with a winning smile. “I’m sure you are just as gorgeous as you sound. Leonard, I thought you said we were going to your grandparents, not some vixen you have hidden away.” 

There was a giggle and the hands on his cheek slipped around his neck and gave him a squeeze. “You are a charmer,” she said happily. The word “are” came out in two syllables and charmer sounded more like “charmah”. 

Bones sighed and disentangled his grandmother from Jim. “That’s enough. This is Lenora McCoy, my Grandmother.” 

“It’s a pleasure ma’am,” Jim said with a large smile. 

“The pleasure is all mine. I do wish Horatio was here to meet y’all, but he had to make a house call.” Lenora wrapped the young man’s hand in her arm and led him inside. 

“You’ll see about the luggage, Leonard?” she said with a nod in the direction of the luggage.

Jim bit back the urge to tease him. Lenora seemed to have sass, but he didn’t want to disrespect her either. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Bones said, though he could see the smile playing on Jim’s lips. 

****

They had been in Georgia for two days and Bones’ daughter Joanna had finally arrived. She was beautiful with her long brunette curls and traveling clothes. She was fourteen going on twenty. Her knowledge of medicine was astounding and Leonard believed she would finish medical school before he did. 

Joanna had gone riding with a friend after dinner while Bones worked on his best plan for Jim. It was a new instrument being developed for children that were born blind and to help people who had lost their vision. It was called a VISOR, Visual Instrument and Sensory Organ Replacement. The VISOR detected electromagnetic signals across the entire EM spectrum and transmitted those signals directly to the brain through neural implants in the temples of the individual via delta-compressed wavelengths. 

He was exchanging correspondence with the inventor about the possibility of Jim becoming one of the first to try the prototype. They were going over the procedure when Jim came in with Lenora leading him. 

“Someone was looking for you,” she said. Lenora was worried about her grandson. Horatio was helping him when he was home, but Leonard did not seem to be able to stop. He was as obsessed as she had seen her husband and son get when they were fighting for something. 

“Thank you, Miss Lenora. You truly are a Goddess among us mortals.” Jim sat in the chair she led him to. 

“Tsk tsk,” Lenora said. “There is only one God, Jim. Though I do appreciate the sentiment.” She cupped his cheek and rubbed her thumb over his cheek. “I’ll bring some cocoa for you both.” 

There were a few things Jim had learned while staying in Horatio and Lenora’s home. One was to be respectful and call Lenora: Miss Lenora, and two they were very religious. They believed wholeheartedly in God and the blessings they saw he provided. 

After she left, Jim settled more into the chair. “You’ve barely talked to me since we got here.”

“I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I think I’ve found a solution for you. Something that could help until we find a way to repair your retina.” Bones turned in his chair and wished he could see those eyes looking right at him. It was getting harder and harder to look at his old friend. He would find himself looking anywhere but those blue blue eyes. 

He stared at his lips. They were very full and when they formed words it was almost distracting just watching them move. 

“What was that?” he asked realizing that he hadn’t heard what Jim had asked. 

“This would be a bad time for you to go deaf, Bones,” Jim said sounding a little worried. “I said; tell me what it is. I know better than to get my hopes too high.”

“It’s a device that could allow you to see things in infrared and ultraviolet.” Bones wasn’t sure how Jim would take it, having to wear something that would need to be hardwired into his brain. 

“And how would it do that?” Jim asked. His curiosity was definitely piqued. 

“We would use implants at your temples that would hold the device in place over your eyes. It’s called a VISOR, Visual Instrument and Sensory Organ Replacement.” Bones sent his correspondence and pulled up the 4-D image of the VISOR. It wasn’t the sexiest thing in the world but he doubted Jim would have any trouble using it to his advantage. 

“Implants?” Jim asked though he wasn’t sure he liked the idea of _implants_ at his temples. “What would be the damage caused to my optic nerve in terms of regaining my natural sight? I assume this _implant_ would need to attach to the optic nerve.” 

“Yes, it would. The damage should be nonexistent, but with all new procedures there would be risk,” Bones said and rolled his eyes because he knew he’d made a mistake of saying; new procedure.

“Cool,” came a boy’s voice from the doorway. It was Avery. His parents owned a farm not too far away. “We’re studying twentieth century literature and all its forms in school. There was a comic book with a hero that had a visor like that. It helped him focus his laser beams that came out of his eyes.” 

“Cyclops!” Exclaim Joanna. She was wearing her riding outfit and her long hair was pulled over one shoulder in a plait. 

“We’ll pass on that one,” Jim said resolutely. 

Bones groaned and tried not to give the children scathing glances or remarks. “Jim, be reasonable.” 

“No, I’m not walking around looking like some comic book hero from the past! Think of something else.” He was so close to saying yes. He didn’t mind being the first or among the first to receive a specific procedure. It would be like moving into unknown territory. Making history. 

“I think you’d look handsome,” Joanna said and even though he couldn’t see her she batted her eyes at him. 

“Okay…” Bones yelled and stood up. Avery looked shocked and jealous all at the same time. “That’s enough you two, why don’t you go see Grams about some cocoa so you can warm up?” 

That was all the prompting Avery needed. He was already tugging at Joanna to get her away from the handsome blind man that seemed to be smiling ear to ear in that famous _Captain Kirk_ way. The way that usually got him anything and anyone he wanted. 

“Aww, I’ll talk to you later, Jo,” Jim yelled with a wave. 

 

“Okay!” she answered and gave a look to her father that had him shut the door behind them. 

“She’s just fourteen, Jim.” 

“Oh, come on, Bones. It’s innocent flirting. You never flirted with one of your parent’s friends or had a secret crush. Though honestly she gets her forwardness from you.” Jim was still smiling and doing more than a little to taunt his friend. 

“I never did any such thing,” he said with a gruff to his voice like his hackles were raised. “Just remember I am a good shot and you can’t run away very fast.” 

“Yeah yeah. And you should know I would never go after your daughter,” he said and could hear the sigh and grunt of agreement. “Not until she’s at least ten years older…” 

Jim laughed at the sound and what he was sure must have been an angry look on his best friend’s face. He let it subside and waited to sober a little. 

“I’m not sure what I think about the Visor, but we can talk about it,” he said softly. He wanted to see and he wanted to keep his job. 

Any anger or frustration Bones was feeling about Jim left in that instant. He could hear the vulnerability in Jim’s voice and that was something one just did not hear. Ever. He stood and sunk down in front of Jim’s chair. 

“There are a few drawbacks, the major being the piece of hardware you would need to wear at all times. The pain of something stimulating your nerve from inside your head could be great. Headaches, and of course learning to see in infrared and ultraviolet. Your depth perception could be off and there are no… No guarantees that Starfleet will allow you to keep your post.” He put a hand on Jim’s knee and kept it there when he was again; not shooed away. 

“Maybe after some time becoming acclimated to the device, you might…” 

“No, no bullshit between us, Bones. I know what you’re saying and what you’re doing for me. I know my career is over.” Speaking the words felt like bile on his tongue. “It’s over,” he said again and let his throat close up. 

“I won’t let it be over,” Bones said quietly. He hated seeing Jim so defeated. Absolutely despised it and himself for not finding a way to fix him. Without realizing it, he was on his knees and had his arms around his best friend and for some reason, nothing in the world felt more right. 

They both cried softly and held one another. Jim’s hands had balled McCoy’s shirt into his fists while Bones had one hand buried in Jim’s hair; holding him against him. They were like that for a long time and when they started to part, Leonard cupped Jim’s face. He was so raw in that moment and so open. So vulnerable and he didn’t mean to… He hadn’t planned i, but in that moment he saw Jim as perfect. He kissed him. 

Jim’s full mouth seemed frozen against his for a moment and then they were crushed together again. This time it was fierce and consuming. Jim’s mouth opened and with a hungry growl Leonard was thrusting his tongue into him. 

Jim was lost. For years he’d notice Leonard “Bones” McCoy, but had never acted on it. They were friends. Best friends and…. _Oh God, he can kiss,_. There was so much happening. So much that had never happened in a kiss before. Every touch and movement was a surprise. Not just the kiss, though that was enough for him to be pressing against the back of his jeans. No, it was the hands and the feel of Bones’ body. He could feel it all so much more than any other kiss. 

And suddenly…

“Jim,” Bones was saying while he pulled back enough to stop. He was breathing heavily and sounded drunk. “Jim, we shouldn’t…”

There were moments in Jim’s life where he was always fighting, always charging headlong into a situation and it felt like he should be angry that suddenly after all this time Bones was kissing him. He wasn’t. 

“Shut up and walk me to your room,” Jim told him while he pushed him back enough to stand. 

Bones didn’t know what to say. His position was precarious, however. He had been on his knees and now it wasn’t Jim’s blue eyes that were holding his gaze. It was the firm press of him in his trousers. The bulge there begged to be let loose, to have lips around it… He shook his head and stood. He’d never really been with a man, though the attraction was always there for men. Just women always felt right. Until that moment and Jim felt right. 

He stood, careful not to bump into Jim and send him tumbling to the floor. When he was at his full height he stared into his friend’s face. 

“Stop thinking,” Jim whispered and lifted his hand to press against Bones. He hit his chest first and slowly moved his hand up his shirt. The shirt was soft, different than Starfleet uniforms. It felt nice and as his hand moved further up the shirt he gained a bit of confidence. 

Touching without sight was an adventure that he had been loathe to take. He could see him though. See Bones’ chest and his shoulder as his hand reached it. Memory took over and the touch brought him sight. At least in his mind. He could draw the memory. 

As Bones watched Jim’s first touches he felt that moment pass where he could have ever said no to him. If that moment ever really existed. He reached up and took Jim’s hand so he could lead him to his room. 

They had no luck reaching the room without running into Lenora. She had brought their cocoa and Jim had to smile even though he lost the arm around him so Bones could carry the cocoa and he in turn put his hand on Bones’ shoulder. 

Once the door closed and Jim heard a lock click into place; his heart started pounding out of control. This was Bones and Bones was his best friend. He listened to the footsteps grow closer and was ready when Bones put a hand on his face. 

“You aren’t chickening out on me, are you?” Jim asked. Bones was one inch taller than him so when he reached out to tug him by his trousers he _accidentally_ grazed the bulge that had the front of his trousers stretched tight. There was a whoosh of air from his friend and he smiled that he did that to him. 

“Dammit, Jim... “ Bones said and had to learn how to breathe for a moment. “This is unchartered territory for me.” 

“The final frontier, huh?” Jim tugged on the trousers until the button gave way and Bones was tugged closer to him. 

Leonard scratched along his eyebrow and chuckled. “Possibly,” he responded. 

He let Jim explore slowly, though it was just about enough to kill him. They stopped talking and all that could be heard was the sound of their breathing, which had become more than a bit labored. By the time his shirt was off and his trousers opened, he thought he would come if Jim touched him. So he reached for his wrists and closed his hands around them. 

He led Jim to the bed and started undressing him. He tugged the shirt over and off and then watched him toe off the shoes before he started on his trousers. He made quick work of them and as he sunk to the ground to remove the trousers and boxers, Jim’s long, thick shaft thumped his stomach. Bones licked his lips, and helped him out of the trousers before doing what he’d thought of earlier. 

Jim gasped at the feel of warm lips suckling the end of his cock. His hips bucked and he had to steady himself on the bed directly behind him. He could see Bones in his mind, watch his mouth sucking on him like some tender morsel and God help him when he worked down his shaft he thought the world would spin out of control. 

He moaned softly, one hand moving to cup the back of Bones’ head as he started to work his cock eagerly. He had to have been lying. The mouth on his cock did _not_ feel like an amateur. His tongue played him, his hand cupped and pulled his balls just right, and those lips… Jim moaned, but bit it back just a little in case the sound carried. 

“Enough,” he said finally and tugged gently on Bones’ hair. “I’m gonna go if you don’t stop.” Jim was panting heavily and sweat had beaded on his brow and neck. He was experiencing a bit of sensory overload. He couldn’t see, but his other senses had been becoming more acute. 

Bones smiled. The soft velvety skin of JIm’s cock in his mouth had sent him into a frenzy. Seeing him so undone had him nearly swallowing him down again just to see him lose control. Truth was, he wanted to be inside of him for that. 

Who knew that he would enjoy sucking Jim’s cock so much. He licked his lips and stood slowly. He forced himself to look into Jim’s eyes. They weren’t looking at him; but off over his shoulder. He pushed him ever so gently until he backed up that last bit and he was pulling himself onto the bed. Leonard watched Jim pull himself all the way to the center of the bed and situate himself. All the while, he watched those unmoving eyes and wished that he could find a way, any way to heal him. 

He divested himself of his clothing and Bones climbed on the bed after Jim. It was awkward having a man in his bed, but that it was _this_ man… God help him he was never going to be the same. A man can’t be granted a fantasy without craving it over and over again 

Jim was waiting patiently. There were small touches. Each one a surprise because he couldn’t see when or where the touches were coming from. It was exciting and Leonard realized he was enjoying the touches that started in one place, were gone, then finished in another. The man was obviously a trained surgeon with the expertise in which he was touching him. He had a fleeting thought as to whether or not Bones had studied different things about the anatomy that were… 

All thought was gone as a finger entered him. Jim moaned loudly and couldn’t give a shit who heard him. Bones didn’t shush him though and he wasn’t sure it would have helped as more fingers entered him and the sensations were overwhelming without the distraction of sight. He was so close and when he almost came, a hand closed like a vice around the base of his cock and left him groaning. 

His legs were being moved, lifted up over Leonard’s shoulders and he was enraptured with all that was happening. The hand that had held him was gone to help situate his legs. Jim felt the smooth velvet skin of Leonard’s prick for just a moment before it breached his body. 

Jim gasped and the orgasm that had been staved off only moments before spilled out his cock in spurts with every hard inch that buried into his ass. By the time Leonard finished his slow progression, he was fully seated inside of him and Jim was utterly spent. 

The pressure was overwhelming. Leonard had to have a very wide prick. Wide enough Jim groaned helplessly. His hands had fisted in the pillow behind his head and he made the most annoying sound. It was almost a whine and he had to clear his throat. 

“Move… For fucks sake, move.” Jim was shaking. His hands were fisting the pillow so hard his knuckles were white. 

“Gimme…” Leonard said. He sounded out of breath. “Gimme sec… Might be over before it starts.” 

Jim gave a shaky laugh and moved one of his hands to run through the come that painted his stomach. 

“Dammit… Jim, don’t do that.” The sight of Jim painting his stomach with his come brought about an involuntary jerk and he knew there was no way he would last. 

He pulled back and started a slow rhythm. The burn was already in his stomach that signaled his impending orgasm. Jim made another helpless noise and Bones was unhinged. He thrust harder and found the end of Jim in an auditory slap of their bodies. 

Harder. Faster. Jim’s mind was mush and he was only left a quivering ball of desire and need. He was spent, but waves of orgasm rode his body and the pleasure was beyond anything he had felt. Leonard’s hips were staggering and as a man, Jim knew what that meant. He braced himself for the hard thrusts that came next and moaned when two more hard thrusts had Bones in as far as he could go. He didn’t feel his come fill him so much as the pulse of his cock inside of him. It was… in a word… glorious. Not a word he would normally choose, but appropriate.

Bones collapsed and they held each other’s sweaty bodies. It was wonderful. 

****

“I want you boys dressed for Church by six thirty. Your Grandfather is part of the nativity scene and I would love to see it before service.” Lenora’s voice was rich and gentle at the same time. Jim could hear the happiness with every word. 

“Ma’am…” Jim woke up resigned to his new life. He had Bones and that was enough. But he still didn’t need church.

“No Ma’ams from you, Jim. I expect you both to escort this old lady to church,” Lenora said with a tone of finality that Jim imagined only came with children. Or if you were a Vulcan. 

Jim sighed and Leonard laid his hand on top of Jim’s. They were sitting at the dining room table having lunch and it was Christmas Eve. “It’s a short service, Jim. I promise.” 

“Not with all the food afterwards. I’m taking my famous stuffing and pecan pie,” she chimed in with that sing song tone in her voice.

“I’d be delighted, Ma’am.” Jim said. He wasn’t really, but he would try his best for her. Lenora had his heart, that was for sure. He liked her and if it would make her happy for them to take her to church; then he was obliged.

A large part of him was finding his new life not that horrible. There was a small part that still needed to be Captain Kirk. Okay, a large part, but he was trying so hard to adjust. He wanted to throw things and scream and just lash out. Then the warmth of Bones’ hand squeezed just right and he was trying to enjoy what they were starting. It was difficult to say the least.

“Celebrating the birth of Christ is something I think the Federation could use a bit more of. You boys are gone so long and I often wonder if you have spiritual guidance to help you with the important work you are doing,” Lenora said. Her voice interrupted Jim’s pity party and he was glad for it. The topic though…

“We have services on the ship, Ma’am,” Jim said.

“Are they like ours, Leonard?” She asked with a look that demanded honesty.

“Not exactly. It’s a bit more subdued, but the message is still there. That’s the important part, right?” He hated talking religion with his Grandmother. 

“Of course,” she said, but continued to put in her two cents. “Only if you walk away feeling fulfilled. Church should move you and fill you with the spirit.” 

“I’m a bit tired. Ma’am, sorry but if I could steal Leonard for a moment to help me to my room…” Jim was already standing up.

“Of course, dear. Go rest. I’ll argue with my grandson later.” 

Once they were out of earshot, Bones asked; “How did you know I was getting irritated?” 

Jim scoffed. “You make this annoyed intake of breath that lets me know I only have another comment, maybe two before you kick me out of wherever we are or leave yourself. You made that sound.” 

Bones looked surprised and thought about all the times Jim pushed him. “I swear you always knew how to drive just to the point of breaking…”

“And now I drive you in a different way,” he teased. 

“I don’t know what to say to that,” Bones said. His neck and face were burning as images of Jim spread out beneath him played happily in his mind. 

Jim laughed heartily.

****

Church was not as inspiring as Jim had hoped it would be. He assumed that God was busy with his son’s birthday party and was not in the mood to visit. For about the millionth time in his life, he figured he was going to hell. He already thought God had heard his name enough earlier when Bones was inside of him that he did not want to peek in on him again. Definitely going to hell for that one. 

The food was amazing and Jim found himself sitting with Jo and enjoying a slice of Lenora’s famous pie. Leonard was off with his Grandfather and Jim had a feeling they were talking about him. 

“Put it in God’s hands son,” Horatio was saying to his grandson.

Leonard tried his hardest not to give a look. “I never did understand that about you, Grandfather. How could you think God could cure something science could not.” 

There was a long silence before Horatio finally responded. “I was forty-five before I witnessed my first miracle. From that day to this, I couldn’t name all the ones I have witnessed nor all the ones I didn’t recognize. Miracles happen every day. You just have to open your eyes to them, son.” 

Horatio put his hand on his grandson’s shoulder and gave it a good squeeze. He didn’t wait for a response because he didn’t need one. He left Leonard and went in search of that angel called his wife.

Leonard stepped into the now empty church, everyone was in the reception hall, and he   
sat down in one of the pews. He was about in the middle and tried his best to feel what his Grandfather did. He just didn’t. Life wasn’t miracles or happy little puppies. Life was hard, unforgiving, and if you were lucky you found a smidgen of happiness here and there. 

There was a beautifully crafted stained glass window behind the dias. It wasn’t your typical church window. No, this one was of an ocean at night. The colors of blue and purple and every shade in between that made up the sky was beautiful. The thick lines of black between the glass pieces only enhanced the shading and the stars that shone so brilliant. 

“I realize I stopped talking to you a long time ago,” he started. “I don’t even know when I did, but if you could hear me… My best… My other half needs one of those miracles I hear about. The universe needs him too. He’s the best man for his job. He’s the best man for me. Please, God, give me the strength and knowledge to heal him. Please. I’d make you promises, but I hate making any I might not keep. I’ll promise to look for those other miracles my Grandfather talks about though.” 

Leonard stopped when his voice broke. A tear spilled out over his cheek when his eyes had filled too much to hold it. Another followed on his other cheek. “He is meant to do great things. Please, God… Please help me.” 

****

That night, Leonard made love to Jim. The prior times they had made love were rushed and almost frenzied. This time it was slow and gentle in a way he had never made love to anyone before. 

When they laid together afterwards, Leonard could swear he saw a bit more of that defeat leave Jim’s eyes. He was settling for what he thought his life was going to be. And though their relationship was starting and it seemed unaffected while they made love, he knew things were not fine. Jim was still needed for many things. In the morning, he would make him reconsider the visor. 

****

Light filtered in through the curtains and at first glance it was very white. Snow was still falling lightly and the bright glow from the window told him it was well past time to get up. He blinked to clear the fog from his vision. 

“Jim?” Leonard asked and sat up. 

He wiped at his eyes and saw Jim by the window. “You alright?” 

Jim turned and Leonard could see the tears streaming down his lover’s face. He was out of the bed and in front of him in moments. He cupped his face gingerly and wiped the tears before he realized Jim’s eyes were staring at his own. They were blue and brilliant and focused!

“Jim, can you see me?” He wanted to kick himself for asking that because if he couldn’t it was one more nail in the proverbial coffin. 

“Yes, Bones, I can.” He smiled and leaned forward. Their lips met and he watched Bones’ face as they kissed. 

Leonard let the kiss be gentle for a moment and then crushed Jim to him with a hard kiss. He squeezed him and tried not to scream in delight like a little girl.

Jim felt as if the balance in his universe had tilted in his favor. He had his vision and he had Bones. 

“We should call…” Bones said as he pulled back from the kiss. Jim was shaking his head.

“Later.” He smiled at him. His eyes were taking in every inch of Leonard’s gorgeous face. The lines around his mouth, the soft shade of pinkish red that was his lips after they kissed. It was a color he had not seen on them and liked it very much. “Let’s just stay here for a bit.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and as always, Kudos are awesome and Comments are love.


End file.
